Crosby, Stills & Nash at the Albert Hall

Yes, I am still an old hippy at heart and finding out Crosby, Stills & Nash were on at the Albert Hall and having a friend willing to treat me – well, how could I not?

The evening started off badly – the traffic was so heavy that we got a taxi from The Strand.  I bet we would still have been sitting on the Number 9 bus now if we hadn’t.  Don’t know what was wrong, but it was Gay Pride Day so perhaps some of the traffic was the revelers heading home.  Actually, it was a relief not to go on the bus – the temperature was still in the 80s and buses don’t have air conditioning.

Once at the Albert Hall there was the inevitable queue for the loo, but I made it.  It is always impressive the way English women politely queue for the loo – I have seen French women, bored with queuing, march into the Gents and go into a cubicle, presumably ignoring the line of male backs.  While admiring their chutzpa I am not sure I can emulate it.

Once in the Albert Hall, the trio mounted the stage, without zimmer frames or walking sticks – actually, they seemed much the same as in the 70’s, just fatter and greyer and none of them were bald unless of course they were wearing wigs.  I was very disappointed at the start of the concert – they played the (to me) beautiful, sweet, soulful numbers such as Marrakesh Express as if they were a rock band.  I barely recognized some of them.  I wondered if the person managing the sound had got it wrong, but the Albert Hall are used to all manner of music so I don’t think it could have been that.  I was uncomfortable to find my ears ringing and my bottle of water visibly vibrating when I took a sip. Maybe it is just me and they always were more rock and roll and it was just their studio records that were quiet and melodic.  My friend did say that he had heard them sing at Glastonbury (on the TV, I hasten to add) and that they were much quieter then.

I was mesmerized by Crosbie’s antics on stage – he was unable to keep still and shuffled about in a parody of a young rock star, but let’s be charitable; perhaps he suffers from ‘Restless Leg Syndrome’ – yes it is a medical condition and I should know, I spent enough time as a medical secretary.  He leapt into the air at one point (only a few inches off the ground) but given his great age, I anxiously wondered if he might have to be stretchered off with a broken knee-cap or hip.

After the interval the music was much quieter and more soulful – just the three of them without drums or keyboard.  They played a new number which was lovely and sang three or four of their melodic, beautiful hits from long ago.  Then Graham Nash played keyboard and sang, but again it was much too loud and I felt cheated.

They sang some cover versions of songs that they are hoping to put on their newest ‘record’ – Norwegian Wood was fine, but the Bob Dylan one was embarrassingly awful – they should have gone with one of his simpler songs.

Towards the end of the concert the loud rock sound began again and most of the music was unrecognizable, then it was the two encores – one I thought was ruined by the volume, but the second, though loud, was more palatable.

I saw Ray Davies at the O² and that sound was brilliant, so perhaps I need to concentrate on (mainly) single performers.  My ex-husband saw Neil Young at The Fridge several years ago and he said he was fantastic – single singer and smaller venue; perhaps I need to concentrate on them more.

I know it is more than likely due to my great age, but I find the whooping and ‘yip yip yip’ noises from audiences rather irritating – they sound as if they’re riding to hounds and, let’s face it, all but a few people these days admit to enjoying hunting, so why make a noise that sounds as if you do?

Noticed a few ’women of a certain age’ (as indeed I am) standing up dancing in what I would call an ‘embarrassing way’ (you hear children at family parties begging their parents not to dance sometimes).  I think those women wouldn’t have danced ‘like that’ had children been with them, but then … why not?  After all, if a geriatric Crosbie can prance around like a teenager (well, sort of) why not women?

Coming home the traffic was still unbelievably congested and I walked much of the way back.  Central London is a fairly benign place on a summer night and I only felt  a little alarmed when one of a trio of teenage girls threw a glass at the other two who were several yards in front of her, as was I, so it could have been aimed at me!  Deciding discretion the better part of valour (even being hit mistakenly didn’t seem much fun) I hurried off stage right and got home unscathed.

Slogans and ‘cool’ phrases

Walking down The Cut recently, I spotted a young man sporting a t-shirt with the words, ‘I make beautiful babies’ emblazoned on his chest.  I pondered on this for a while and then thought what a ridiculous but quite possibly truthful boast.  For a good-looking man with an average or high sperm count, it is easy to father babies (perhaps even beautiful ones), although that is largely down to genetics/luck), but that doesn’t mean he can actually bring them up (that takes a real man! usually with the help of a woman!  Of course an arrogant so and so like this man might not stand a chance – would you ‘bother’ fellow-woman?

 I thought perhaps, as a woman past her prime, it would be worth me wearing a t-shirt with the slogan ‘I can’t bear children’ on it, but as I rather like them it wouldn’t do much for my street cred.   My partner often says, when asked if he likes children, ‘Yes, but I can’t manage more than one at a time’.

Can’t bear the slogans like ‘Slut’ or ‘I’m a virgin’ which I find odd in the extreme – are they boasting or complaining?  These are very much on a par with the signs on cars saying ‘baby on board’ – same question applies.  I have seen signs on cars saying, ‘if you can read this sign, you are too close’ and wonder how many accidents happen and is it one of those insurance scams?  I find myself rather offended by the ‘Little Monster on board’ comments rather worrying – who would want to admit that their child is one, even if they are?

And now to the ‘in’ phrases – ‘see you later’ from a complete stranger with whom you have exchanged a few words such as ‘where is …’ or ‘turn left, right …’ etc.  The chances of you seeing that person ever again, let alone ‘later’ is negligible so why ….?

‘No problem’ used to be an expression of note – it usually meant, ‘I’ll do it when I feel like it, you tosser – stop hassling me!’ or even ‘I’ve no intention of doing it at all, but haven’t the heart or the honesty to admit it’.

Then there was ‘groovy’ which was around when half the population were either on acid or smoking ‘herbal substances’ in the 60s/70s.  It had a brief resurgence in the 80s I think, probably when half the population were on Ecstasy which seemed to spawn a number of gurning, dancing idiots – still, better than fighting, something which happened quite frequently in nightclubs before its advent. 

That is 'so cool’ is another expression (probably uncool by now) and I have penned a few lines about it in a poem:-

Cool

What do you mean, ‘cool’

The mother said, frowning

I’m not such a fool

So please stop your clowning.

It’s quite warm today

So cool isn’t right

It means it’s in fashion

Her son said with might

And considerable passion.

She still didn’t get it

And wondered for hours

Shook her head for a bit

Then planted some flowers.