Totally wired - just another Manic Monday

For the last few days I have been feeling great, in fact probably too wired.  This is the manic phase of my disease and I must try to monitor it because these are the times when I can be in danger and my relationships suffer.  The difficulty is (I am told) bipolars lack insight when manic - I don'the think I do, of course, but denial  is all part of it.  It is fortunate that I have a dosset box to remind me to take my medication.  I sometimes feel I don't need the drugs I am prescribed at such a time, but just have to accept that I do at present.  The trouble is that in the last 12 months I have had 3 to 4 bouts of depression, one of them very serious, and not one manic episode - it seems grossly unfair to have so many, at times spectacular, lows and no highs at all.  Looking back I have been depressed for about 4 months and cycling between depression and 'normal' for eight.  No wonder one of the buzzwords in an argument is: 'why can't you behave like a normal person'.  I know that is said in complete desperation and understand why it is said to me sometimes, but it is very hurtful given the stigma attached to mental illness.

In the last couple of days I have had a bout of almost uncontrollable rage with my partner - so bad that I had to escape from the flat for a couple hours or I might have tried to hit him.  Of course I felt my anger was justified - he can be very impatient when I don't grasp something immediately, but the towering inferno that then erupted was awesome for both of us but because anger has replaced depression I feel it is a better emotion, but I do understand that I need to express my anger 'appropriately'.  I doubt he feels the same way and considering our argument in retrospect I know that my behaviour was out of control.  I just hope he doesn't get me sectioned one day!  That has not happened so far and if he felt it was necessary I trust him enough to go voluntarily rather than be forced into psychiatric care.

Other bizarre patterns include my thought patterns jumping about, not sleeping properly, talking fast, walking fast, not looking where I am going, carelessness when showering (tripping), falling over or treading on the cat, dropping things and generally mismanaging things in the home.  It is a good thing I am not responsible for the cooking as I would probably burn things or leave the gas on.

I have read somewhere that Omega 3 is particularly good for mood swings so I will try taking that in addition to the other medication I take, as long as it doesn't work against them.  I would really like to manage with just diet and natural medicines, but I suppose that is in the future.