How not to chair a meeting!

I am chair of a local resident's committee and it was the AGM recently, met with trepidation by myself and our treasurer. As all 14 out of a possible 30 arrived, on zimmer frames, mobility scooters and in wheelchairs, I had to admire their grit. We started 15 minutes late - everybody needed to be settled, with much creaking of bones then bribed with a drink to ensure they stayed more than 5 minutes. So it was out with the Buck's Fizz and the sherry (with lemonade - well, the sherry, anyway). If you need to get drunk quickly sherry and lemonade goes straight to your head and the thought of trying to get a drunk posse of the elderly home on their various modes of transport was a bit of worry. The treasurer reminded them to drink with care as 'we don't want to wheel anyone home in a wheelbarrow'. Luckily, they all live within spitting distance of the venue.

The meeting began with difficulty - a get-together presents a good time to exchange views and gossip. The next task was making sure everybody had their papers and understood what was what - agenda, minutes of last AGM, yearly accounts and Chair's report, written by yours truly. I took the minutes as well. Not because none of them are compus mentis, but because eyesight, hearing and arthritis prevents them from managing paperwork.

After that, it was all systems go - well, sort of ... tenants got sidetracked by various subjects, ran down rabbitholes with them and it was with great difficulty and as much tact as I could muster, that I engineered a return to the point! And still there was an underlying mummer from a lady who becomes strategically deaf - she can always hear the offer of a drink or that she has won a prize in a raffle, but otherwise - well, picture the scene. There were times when I wanted to get up and hit her over the head with her walking stick, but couldn't of course - elder abuse I think that is called.

Then there was the sweet old lady who just wants company - she is confined to her flat because of her physical and mental health, but dearly loves to join in and although confused, tries to help with clearing and washing up. At the end of the afternoon, she wanted to 'come home with you' because, as she said, 'I'm only up there on my own!' Quite true and sad - pity volunteers have to jump through so many hoops before being allowed to volunteer to befriend the elderly. Of course there are those who prey on the vulnerable, but they could be easily watched. It is sad when the kindly and loving have to suffer for the sins of the minority.

Anyway, all in all, it was an event to be remembered and the committee members (all over 70, and some over 80) have a lot to be proud of. After 5 years of fighting with the local authorities the committee have managed to obtain secure gates and safer pavements/roads around the site. This has involved a considerable amount of work and attendance at meetings, made more difficult by having to deal with two different councils. When the gates were almost turned down because of planning permission I believe there would have been a riot, but the council climbed down very quickly after intervention from local councillors and one MP. Perhaps the prospect of grappling grannies to the ground or being run down by a disability scooter or zimmer frame helped.

At the end, our treasurer, a wheelchair-abled (she is certainly not wheelchair-bound) lady with lots of bottle, cut glass accent and amazingly colourful language, said that she hoped the group would go on from strength to strength and continue to 'grow old disgracefully!' I said they could 'wear purple and spit' at their age and hope to become as active and forthright as they are when I hit their age.